Our primal brain
Meet Ali the Alligator. When we snap, that's him talking, not us.
Everybody has a fast, grumpy, feel-first part of their thinking. It's old. It's the part that wants to win, grab, hide or bite back right now. In Big Sal's World we gave it a face: Ali the Alligator.
"That's just my hungry alligator talking!"
Ali is not one of our values. He's the counter value: the yang to our shoulder guides' yin. The guides whisper our true guiding principles. Ali whispers the opposite, in a thought bubble. Our job is to notice which voice is talking.
Values are the foundation. Feelings are a skill.
Our true guiding principles and values are who we decide to be, like integrity, empathy and courage. They don't change with the weather. Feelings do. Feelings aren't bad: anger tells you something feels unfair, fear tells you to be careful. But a feeling makes a poor boss. Social-emotional learning (SEL) calls the skills of handling them self-awareness and self-management. Kids aren't born with those skills. They build them, with practice, like a muscle.
What the research says
Deep in the brain, a fast alarm system (the amygdala) reacts to threats in a split second. The thinking, planning part behind the forehead (the prefrontal cortex) is slower, and it keeps growing until about age 25. So when kids snap, it's often the fast alarm winning the race. That's normal, and it's trainable.
Brain scans show that simply putting a feeling into words ("I'm mad") turns down the alarm system's activity. Naming the feeling is the first step to steering it.
Counselors have long helped children by giving a problem its own name and face, so the child can see "the problem is the problem; I am not the problem." It turns shame into teamwork: you and me against the alligator.
Studies of "self-distancing" found that kids who pretended to be a favorite character, or talked about themselves by name, stuck with hard tasks longer and calmed down faster. "Ali wants to yell. What does Sam want to do?" is the same trick.
A note on honesty: "lizard brain" is a cartoon, not a brain scan. Scientists today say the brain doesn't have a separate reptile layer; all the parts work together. But the fast-alarm-versus-slow-thinker idea is real, and a cartoon alligator makes it something a seven-year-old can use.
Why is Ali so hungry? Basic needs first
Ali gets loudest when the basics are missing. A child who skipped breakfast, slept badly, feels scared or feels alone has a much louder alligator. Psychologists have long described a "hierarchy of needs": food, sleep, safety and belonging come first, and calm thinking, learning and kindness build on top of them. It's an old model, and researchers argue about the exact order, but the core idea holds up well. When the basics are missing, the fast survival brain takes over.
Before you ask "why are you acting like this?", ask "has Ali been fed?" Is this child hungry, tired, scared or lonely? Big Sal feeds everybody who walks into his diner, and that's no accident. If a student at your school is going without the basics, our School Wish List can help them ask for what they need, quietly.
💛 For kids: it's not your fault
Researchers learned long ago that all humans have a stepladder of things that motivate them. At the top is being the best you can be. But the first step is having enough to eat, a safe place to lay your head and a secure home. If those aren't being met, it's really hard to take that first step toward reaching your dreams. So if those things are happening to you, it's not your fault! Hang in there. The hard times will pass, and they'll make you stronger for the future. Many a hero's journey started with a long walk in the desert, before reaching the mountaintop.
— Sergio Alcantara, creator of Big Sal's World
You deserve help, and asking for it takes courage. Tell a grown-up you trust: a teacher, the school counselor, a coach or a relative. You can also find people to talk to on our Need someone to talk to? page. In the US, you can call or text 988 any time.
Catch the alligator: four steps
- Spot it. Hot face, tight fists, a mean thought, wanting to grab or quit. "Uh oh. Ali's awake."
- Name it. Say the feeling out loud or in your head: "I'm mad," "I'm scared," "I'm jealous." Naming it turns the alarm down.
- Breathe. Three slow breaths, longer out than in. Ali hates slow breathing. It gives the thinking brain time to catch up.
- Pick a guide. Ask: "What would a person with integrity, empathy or courage do right now?" Then say it the true way.
Not an excuse
A loud alligator is never a kid's fault. But "the alligator did it" still never gets anyone off the hook. Ali can talk, but we choose what comes out of our mouths, and we own it when he slips out (that's Taking responsibility). The goal isn't to never feel angry. The goal is to keep Ali locked outside, where he can't do any harm, and let our values do the talking.
Try it in Vernaculator
Ali is also a tone. On the main page, open Choose Your Tone and pick 🐊 Hungry alligator (under "Counter tone: our primal brain"). Any character will say one grumpy line as their alligator, then catch it ("Whoa, that's just my hungry alligator talking!") and say it again the calm, kind way. Kids hear both versions side by side, which is exactly the swap we want them to learn. In the show, Ali shows up in thought bubbles, and the shoulder guides always outsmart him.
For parents and teachers
- Use the phrase in the moment, calmly and with a smile: "Is that you, or your hungry alligator?"
- Model it yourself. Kids learn the most when a grown-up says, "Sorry, that was my alligator. Let me try again."
- Praise the catch, not just the calm: "You caught Ali before he bit. That took courage."
- If big feelings keep winning, or a child seems hopeless or unsafe, talk to the school counselor or a doctor. In the US, you can call or text 988 any time.
Where these ideas come from
- CASEL, the SEL framework most schools use: self-awareness and self-management (casel.org).
- Lieberman and colleagues, "Putting feelings into words," Psychological Science, 2007 (naming feelings calms the amygdala).
- National Institute of Mental Health, "The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know" (the thinking brain keeps maturing into the mid-20s).
- White and Epston, Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends, 1990 (externalizing: the problem is the problem).
- White, Carlson and colleagues, "The 'Batman Effect'," Child Development, 2017, and Kross and colleagues on self-distancing.
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child, executive function and self-regulation.
- Maslow, "A Theory of Human Motivation," Psychological Review, 1943 (the hierarchy of needs).
Ali the Alligator, the counter value and the four steps are our own words and drawings. This page is for learning, not medical advice.
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